I Talked with my Dad about his Diet and Exercise

You guys know I’ve been struggling with my own weightloss journey, but also with knowing how to confront my father about his issues.

My father has always been on the heavier side as far as I can remember, but more husky than chubby or fat.  He has strong arms and legs and even though he’s in his late 50s, he still plays volleyball and baseball and like to go golfing.

I haven’t seen my father in person in a long time, but I see him via Skype.  Plus, my mother tells me things.  I listen to her complaints about how big he’s getting – especially around the stomach area.  And when I do see my dad on my computer screen, I too can tell his stomach is much rounder.  My mom says that he’ll use his belly as a flat area for his plate of food when he’s watching a game, or he’ll use it for his laptop when he’s online.

I happened to be skyping with my father the other night while my mom was out for the evening with some of her friends.  The subject came up naturally, actually.  We were taking about my struggles with weight-loss and stuff like that.

It was a good opportunity to share things with my dad without making it about him.  It helped him feel comfortable enough to open up about certain things with me.  He mentioned that he likes to order specialty foods at a restaurant, like fish and chips if that’s something they’re famous for.  He told me doesn’t like eating salads and boring healthy food.

I tried to encourage him and told him a lot about my struggle.  I eat a freaking salad every single day for goodness’ sake!  Don’t talk to me about salad being boring!  I basically said what I’ve told you guys – no, healthy food doesn’t always taste the best, but we have the power to make smart decisions, not just delicious ones.  Yes, it’s freaking hard.  Yes, we all cave and choose the unhealthier option because of various excuses/reasons (my husband claims that all reasons are just excuses in disguise).

The topic ranged into other topics and we never really went back to the health/diet/exercise conversation.  I’m sort of kicking myself for not pushing harder and not trying harder.  Mostly, it was a pleasant conversation talking about our personal struggles.  I thought, hey, this is a good place to start – just get him thinking about some of his choices and stuff.

But you know what, just the other night, my mom watched what my dad all ate for his evening “meal.”  First he made a vegetable and tofu stir-fry on some rice noodles around 5:30.  That, quite honestly, was quite alright and I wouldn’t have a problem with that if that had been all he had eaten.  I mean, no, an obese person should not have a stir-fry drenched in highly sweet and salty sauces (the sauces are always the problem!), but we all have to start somewhere, right?  Heck, I started with salads covered in Honey Mustard sauce – which I never eat now.

The problem is that my dad ate a big bowl of stir-fry at 5:30.  Then, two hours later, he’s eating again!  WHY!?  A normal person – a healthy person – should not be hungry two hours later!!!

So 7:30 he had three slices of bread toasted with cheese and tomato on top.  An obese person should never eat this kind of food in the evening.  EVER.  Bread and cheese should be eaten rarely and definitely not in the evening.  And on top of that, it wasn’t even whole wheat bread.  We keep trying to get him to buy whole wheat, but my dad complains that it “doesn’t taste as good.”

No, it doesn’t.  Well, actually, I prefer whole wheat bread with lots of seeds and nuts in it, so maybe I’m not the best person to ask on this subject.  But once again, we are humans with higher thinking.  We can make a smart, healthy decision or we can think with our taste buds and stomachs.  Your choice.

I have to wonder why my dad was eating again.  Was he actually, literally hungry?  Or was he simply craving warm, cheesy bread?  I mean, sometimes people just get a craving; been there, done that.  Also, because it was something warm and comforting, I have to wonder if his desire to make and eat more food – certain food – is based on some insecurity of some kind.  Was he feeling empty/lost/sad/depressed/emotional about something?

I also wonder if my father is simply eating when he sees other people eating.  My mother eats quite frequently, but just a little bit at a time.  Perhaps she was preparing something in the kitchen and some base desire came over my father.  Perhaps he justified eating again because she was eating again.

Either way, my father had his second supper (lol).  Then, about an hour later, around 8:30/9:00, he went into the kitchen AGAIN.  This time he prepared a bowl of dessert.  He still had some chocolate frosty from Wendy’s in the freezer from awhile back.  He had that with a banana and some blueberries.

So my father basically ate as many calories as I eat all day for just one “meal”!  That’s ridiculous!  I mean, if he had just had stir-fry and dessert, fine.  If he had just had cheesy bread and a banana.  Fine.  But don’t have all three!!!

I feel like my talk with him was useless.  Actually, I’m kicking myself for not pushing harder.  Being more blunt.  Telling him that I’m worried he’s going to die before he’s 60.  Maybe I should have said those things.

I mean, we DID talk about diet.  About how to work on it.  How to make smarter decisions.  We talked about exercise.  I encouraged him to go golfing more since he loves it and the weather is nice.  Like, yeah, go every day!  Go twice a day!  Do what it takes.

But I didn’t say, “Actually, since you’re obese and have a very round belly, you should actually be VIGOROUSLY exercising, golfing’s not going to cut it.”  I didn’t say, “Not only should you be eating salad three times a day, but you shouldn’t even have a dressing on it!”

Should I have told him those things?  Should I have been more blunt and honest?  Would it have done any good?

If had been more brutal with the truth, would my dad make better and bigger changes?  Or would he have only gotten angry and eaten the same things as before?

I don’t know.  I don’t think being honest will do anything.  I feel really stuck, same as my mom.  My father is only getting bigger and bigger.  He’s gaining weight every year, not losing or even maintaining.  What can we do?  He’s a grown-ass adult and we have little control of his diet and exercise.  Even if we share our fears and concerns with him, nothing changes.

Seriously, what can we do?

*sigh*

I feel like I’m back at square one.  I’m still scared about confronting him.  I still have to do it, even though we had a good heart-to-heart about it already.

How can we help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves?