Why Does It Take a Medical Scare?

No.  Really.  Why does it take a medical scare to get me going?

About ten days ago, I forced myself to cut out sugars, really buckle down on my diet, and exercise everyday.

So why did I do this?  Because of another medical scare.  That’s what motivated me to lose weight in the first place years ago.  And now, a new problem has surfaced and it’s pushing me like nothing ever has before.

I think I have a pinched nerve.  I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, but I’m pretty sure that’s what the problem is.  It started simple, with tingling or numbness in my right hand fingers, especially the middle, ring, and pinky fingers.  This typically happened at night and I first assumed I was sleeping funny.

But the pain only increased and I was losing sleep over this situation.  I would wake up for half an hour, just trying to “shake out” the pain and keep my hand low so blood would flow there again.  My sleeping positions changed, too, causing discomfort to both me and my husband.  I typically sleep on my sides, but found this no longer worked.  I could literally feel my hand falling asleep within a minute of lying down!

What really scared me though was when I woke up and had an excruciating pain on the underside of my arm, above my elbow.  It was so painful, I was awake for over an hour and took some pills.

My mother thinks I must have hit my arm on something.  My dad thinks I have carpal tunnel syndrome.  I think it’s because I gained weight over the past six months.

I have never had this problem before, save the rare occasion when my hand did fall asleep from being pinned under my body too long.  But never several nights in a row!

But just because something didn’t happen at your highest weight, but later at a lower one, doesn’t mean it isn’t connected.  I really think my current problems are a result of being fat, losing weight, and then gaining it back in the WRONG PLACE.  The fat is pinching a nerve.

So I started being more serious about losing weight.  And it worked!  My hand will still fall asleep, but not as often and not as painful.  I’m able to mostly sleep through the night again.  I just need to keep working on it so this problem completely disappears.

It amazes me how the human body works.  It also scares me.  One little change in our life can ruin it.  Or rather, an entire lifetime of being fat could affect me in ways I cannot even imagine.

It shames me that I spent my entire life obese – the morbidly, heavily, not-even-close-to-healthy kind of obese, mind you – and thought it was “okay” because I didn’t have any problems.

Well, now I have problems.  I wish I could go back and kick my 15 year old self and save my own body from my own destructive, abusive behavior.  Let me tell you … I’ve been walking every day straight for ten days now.  And every day, I’m limping and hobbling around like an old woman.  My ankles hurt, my feet are sore, and I seem to have a sore spot on the top of my right foot for no reason.

To some degree, it’s really terrible.  I finally exercise, and I’m in a lot of pain for it.  Some might even jump to the conclusion that the exercise is CAUSING the pain.  But it’s not.  The pain I have is from 20 years of knees and ankles carrying around 150 pounds more than it should have been.  The employees are finally protesting!

I regret not taking better care of my body.  It’s like my younger self did whatever she wanted because she was “fine” and there were “no problems.”  She assumed she was getting away with robbing a bank, when really, the cops were just one step behind her.  Well, my joy-ride days are over.  I can’t have pizza and ice cream for a meal anymore.  I had my fun and now I’m paying my time.

It just sucks that I didn’t spread my fun out more evenly.  That I wasted it all in one go.  That I’m in my early 30s, but have the body of a 50-year-old woman.  Trust me, that sucks more than anything else.

Don’t wait until a medical scare to get your life in order.  Just don’t.  If you assume that everything is “okay,” something is going to happen and then it won’t be okay at all.  In fact, it will be quite terrible.  And I don’t want that to happen to you or anyone else.

I’m writing this with ice and a towel draped over my elevated foot.  That’s what I have to do nowadays.  Why?  Because I went an hour-long walk with my husband.  At sunset.  Along the river.  It’s ridiculous and terrible, and I’m ashamed, angry, sad, and full of regret.  I am too young to be having these problems.  But that’s the price of being obese.

So, yeah … Don’t be like me.